Dear expecting momma,

Let there be no cliches attached when I say this- you are a warrior. You are embarking on one of the toughest yet somehow natural journeys you will ever experience. If you’re like me, you are likely feeling incredibly torn. You want to be excited and happy about those two lines you see on the test, but somehow only emotions of terror have taken up rent. The fear of past experienced nightmarish pain fills your bones. It’s so hard to be jumping for joy about the future bundle of joy when you have gone through a loss such as miscarriage. It seems like one has to put a number or timeline for mourning this kind of a loss- especially if you become pregnant again. But let’s be honest, grief in any shape or form yields no such timeline for when you should be “over it”. 

A loss is a loss. And the loss of what could have been, leaves a mark only the mother will feel the deepest. That mark will lighten with time, but it never goes away. Sometimes it may even be reopened or become agitated. I have learned for myself that there are a few things that have helped ease the anxiety of being pregnant after having a miscarriage.

The first was in knowing I had loved ones I could turn to at any given moment. When I found out I was pregnant the second time, I knew I couldn’t wait to tell at least my mom and brother. (My husband already knew). Asking for their prayers and good vibes to be sent mine and my family’s way brought comfort. I knew that if I surrounded myself with a personal cheerleading squad, I was less likely to be caught alone in my thoughts which were filled with a dark anxiety. 

Secondly, communicating my emotions and thoughts aloud to my husband brought peace. We were both worried about getting hurt again. Talking frequently about the fears or worries reaffirmed the truth that we could get through anything. We spoke positively about what could go right and that’s where we tried to focus our energy into. It wasn’t easy, and I’ll admit my husband did a better job at the positive talk than I did. But that’s what worked and what I needed most.

Third thing, center your mind and body on what you can control. In other words, focus on only what you can control. This could look like any number of practices. Taking prenatals and vitamins, drinking plenty of water, not feeling guilty about asking or taking a nap or two through out the day were ways I chose to control what I could. I also embraced my job and home life. I managed my self care with journaling, getting outside and reaffirming to my mind the phrase- I can do hard things became empowering. Even speaking the phrase out loud in the helped too. 

Finally, remember you have a Savior who you can put your faith and trust into. He knows you perfectly. He has not just felt what it feels like to miscarry. He has felt what it feels like for YOU personally to miscarry and the pain that loss has brought you. I have never felt more closer to Christ than as I was miscarrying. It was the most sacred experience I have endured during my mortal life. Learn to rely on the Atonement and His love during this pregnancy. When doubt or fears creep in, give it to Him through prayer. The atonement is designed for us to use everyday to experience joys and triumphs. And to heal from the sorrows and grief. 

Even after the safe delivery of my son earlier this year, I still ache for that what if. What if I hadn’t lost the first baby… what if I had two under two right now? While holding one of my proudest creations in my arms, one might assume that my fears and anxieties are gone. But the ultimate truth is that although the sting lessens, a scar remains.

I think you just learn to carry it better with persistent practice.

So remember how loved you are. You’ve got this, mama. You are not alone. Encircle yourself with those you trust, give yourself lots of hugs, and keep the Light of Christ close by. Everything will work out the way it needs to and you will find joy amidst the heartache. I’m praying for you.