One of my favorite topics to talk about with friends is if we could re-do our wedding day, what we would do differently. I have yet to talk to someone who has absolutely nothing they would change. Whether it be the way they had their luncheon to the time of day they got married, most people have some sort of regret. In this post, I am going to impart some of the wisdom my friends and I have learned to hopefully help you have a smooth day in which you feel loved and also have fun! But also let it be known that not everything is going to go perfectly. You’ll probably have regrets too. Everyone is different in their preferences and their expectations of their big day. So remember that you don’t have to abide by everything on this list. But hopefully it will still be helpful!

The time you get married at may be more complicated than you think.

My insides twist when I hear about a bride telling me she had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to get ready and arrive at the temple on time for her morning sealing. Sure, maybe you don’t mind mornings and you’re so excited that you want getting married to be the first thing you do that day, but a wedding day takes a lot of energy! If you do choose to wake up early, make sure (as hard as it may be) to get to bed early the night before.

I also have a little side gig as a photographer which makes me want to tell brides to absolutely not get married in the middle of the day. My husband and I got married in the middle of the afternoon. I thank my lucky STARS that we had a photographer who felt comfortable shooting in broad daylight. Our pictures were beautiful! But I have also seen couples who hired a newer photographer who had a harder time navigating the bright light with their camera which was reflected in their photos. I highly recommend asking your photographer about their favorite weddings they’ve done and what time those were at. If they really like their morning weddings and you aren’t getting married in the morning, maybe ask them about their comfort in mid-afternoon shoots. If they have weddings at all times of day that they have loved, you’re probably safe.

I bet you’re reading this now and thinking, “Wait – when is the best time to get married then?!”. Well it depends on a lot of factors. Do you want to take pictures immediately after your sealing? Are you having a luncheon or dinner? What time are people traveling in? There’s a lot to consider and you have to decide which battles you want to fight!

You don’t have to arrange your wedding schedule like everyone else.

I feel like traditional LDS wedding culture is firstly a morning sealing ceremony and pictures, a family luncheon, setting up the reception in the church gym, and then the reception from 7-9. This is great, and has obviously worked for thousands of couples. But you don’t have to do it the same way as everyone else.

I decided I wanted to do a “rehearsal dinner” type situation the night before our wedding instead of the traditional luncheon and I am so glad I did! I didn’t want to deal with another event on my wedding day, and with getting married in the afternoon it would have just added more stress.

Something that I really wanted to do but was outvoted was hosting the reception the day before the sealing. All I wanted was to be able to get sealed and leave with my sweetheart. I wanted to enjoy the rest of the day with him rather than throw a big party afterwards. I did have a friend who did it and absolutely loved it! They got to party with friends and family the night before and then the next day, were sealed, and headed off on their honeymoon! I think it really makes the wedding day about you and your spouse and the covenants you have made with each other and God.

But once again. This is your call. I’m just giving free advice.

Trust yourself. Because it is YOUR day.

I think the most frustrating thing I’ve heard a parent say to their child about their wedding is, “This day isn’t about you. It’s about me and your Dad.” When I heard that, my jaw literally dropped. Yes, this is a great time for your parents to see old friends and they are (usually) paying for the event, but it wouldn’t be happening unless you made the decision to get married! Now, this isn’t an excuse to become Bridezilla and fight for absolutely everything to be as you want it, but it does mean that if you want something, you should communicate it. My husband and I got married in my hometown of Boise, ID but were living in Provo. I was busy with work and being in love, and so quite frankly I wasn’t thinking much about the centerpieces for the table and what cake flavor I wanted. I am so grateful that my mom stepped up to the plate and took charge of those little details. Whenever my mom started to plan something that maybe I wasn’t a fan of, I made sure to voice that thought and for the most part she would make those necessary tweaks.

The key here is to be vocal about what you do want. Not everyone is going to agree with what you choose to do. Especially if you don’t follow traditional protocol. For example, I decided to let all of my bridesmaids pick out their own dress, with the condition that it be a shade of light pastel pink. At first, it caused a bit of an uproar. “Why don’t you just choose the same dress for everyone?!” “How will you be so sure that everyone will choose the right shade of pink?” “Shouldn’t you pay for all of the bridesmaids dresses?” But I knew this is what I wanted and I found the courage to trust myself and move forward. And the results were better than I dreamed they would be! At the wedding, my bridesmaids told me how much they loved the dresses they picked for themselves. They all showed up in something that was totally their style and they were comfortable in. The most common thing they said? “And the best part is, I know that I will wear it for more than just your wedding day!” I am so glad that I trusted myself!

But, just like choosing what time to get married, you may have to pick your battles a bit. I really wanted to get married on July 13th, but unfortunately my little brother would have been at scout camp and nobody wanted to pick him up early. Rather than throw a fit about it, I just pushed the wedding back a day. I was so grateful for all that my parents were doing that I didn’t want to add another thing to their list. And it was just a date anyways. Voice what you want, but be flexible when necessary.

Planning a wedding is hard work With all the people you are trying to accommodate, managing a budget, and fulfilling your own wedding day dreams, you truly have a lot on your plate. Before I got married I would hear people say, “I have so much going on this semester between school, work, and planning a wedding!” And I’d laugh a little inside because planning a wedding sounded like more fun than hardship! But after I got married? Oh yes. I get it now. But honestly? Even with the sweat and tears put into planning, it is all worth it when you get to be married to your sweetheart. And that’s exactly what Tammy always says, “Nothing else matters as long as at the end of the day you got to marry the one you love!”

Have any extra tips? Leave them in the comments below!